1.Nature did it right
A dromedary mother and a baby dromedary discuss the things of life:
- Mom, why do I have these huge feet with three toes?
The dromedary mother answers:
- Well, it is so as not to sink, when crossing the desert immensities.
- Ah ... Okay, the son answers.
A few minutes later, the son asks again:
- Mom, why do I have such long eyebrows?
- These eyebrows are there to prevent sand from getting under your eyelids during sandstorms.
- Oh okay mom, answers the son.
A little later, the little dromedary returns to the charge:
- Say mom, why do we have this big bump on our back?
The mother dromedary, tired of all these questions, answers:
- The bump is used to store water, for our long races in the desert. It is thanks to it that we can go without drinking for several dozen days!
- OK mom ! So if I understand correctly, we have very wide feet so as not to sink into the sand, long eyebrows so as not to have eyes irritated by the sand, and a bump on the back to be able to store water during long races in the desert ... But then, mom, tell me one more thing ...
- Yes, my son?
- What are we doing here in the Viennese zoo?
2.One animal can hide another
Little Alan is filling a hole in the garden when a neighbor leans over the fence, interested in the young boy's activity. He then asks her:
- But what are you doing, my little Alan?
- My goldfish is dead, Alan answers sadly without looking up, and I just buried him.
The neighbor comments:
- But it's a terribly big hole for a simple goldfish, right?
Alan finishes packing the earth and replies:
- It's because it's inside your cat.
3.Intervention divine
A burglar has just entered a beautiful villa, and begins to retrieve the valuables he finds there.
Suddenly he hears a small voice that says:
- Rôô Jesus will punish you, Rôô Jesus will punish you!
The thief turns on his flashlight and asks:
- Who's talking?
- Rôô it's me, the parrot! Rôô Jesus will punish you!
- Ah well, said the relieved thief, and what is your name?
- Rôô Coco! Be careful rôô Jesus will punish you!
- Coco! But that is really too common a name for a parrot!
- Rôô maybe, but Jesus is not trivial for a pitbull!
4.A holy meal
A hunter, armed with his rifle, walks in the Savannah. Suddenly he sees a lion ... who sees him too.
The lion, visibly belligerent, starts running towards the hunter.
This one, panicked, shoulders his gun in a hurry, tries to shoot ... but the gun is jammed! He then begins to run as fast as he can to escape the feline. But, tripping over a branch lying there, he falls ...
The explorer, frightened, has despite everything the reflex to pray:
- Oh my God, make this lion think Christian!
Then a miracle occurs, the lion sits down, and begins to speak, saying:
- My God, bless this meal.
5.Canine cannibalism
A huge trucker is sitting in a bar for a drink when a whiny little guy walks in and asks who owns the pit bull outside. The trucker yells:
- It is my dog ! Is it a problem for you ?
The guy replies:
- No, but I think my dog just killed yours ...
The truck driver suddenly stands up and says:
- What! But what do you have as a dog?
The other guy answers:
- A miniature poodle!
- A poodle ! the trucker yells again, but how can a poodle kill a pit bull?
- Well, replies the guy, I think he choked on ...
6. Cold chicken
He's a guy who's recently had a parrot. On the one hand, he's lucky, because his parrot is very verbose: he can't stop talking.
On the other hand, he is really pissed off, because all the words that come out of the parrot's beak are swearing and vulgarity.
One day the man has more than enough. He grabs his parrot by the throat, shakes it very hard and yells at him:
- Stop with your curses!
Unfortunately, this only turns the parrot on and swears even harder.
So the guy takes the bird and locks it in a closet. But then again, that only annoys his parrot who throws him a pile of insanity through the closet.
The guy is so mad that he takes the parrot and locks it in the fridge. And there as by a miracle, the parrot calms down ...
After a few minutes, the guy takes his parrot out of the fridge ...
Calmly, the parrot climbs onto his arm and says:
- I am terribly sorry for all the inconvenience I have caused you. The guy can't believe it. His parrot is totally transformed ...
And at this moment that the parrot adds:
- Just to find out, what had the chicken done?
7.Not so stupid
A monkey walks into a bar and asks the bartender:
- Do you have baanaanas?
- No, we don't have bananas.
- Do you have baanaaaanes? insists the monkey.
- No, no bananas here!
- Do you have baanaaaanes? the animal persists.
- No, but are you deaf or what ?! If you ask me again if I have bananas, I'll nail your tongue to the counter !!
- Do you have any nails? then asks the monkey.
- No ... answers the bartender, exasperated.
- Do you have baanaaaanes?
8.Dog stories
Two dogs are walking. Suddenly, one of them starts to wriggle.
- You saw, he said, a brand new lamppost! It's worth a drink !
-It's a dog that meets a crocodile. The crocodile says to the dog:
- Hi flea bag!
And the dog answers him:
- Hello handbag!
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-A puppy asks his father:
- Dad, what's my real name: sitting or lying?
9.Driver
A biker was rushing on his motorbike on a deserted road, when at the bend of a bend, he finds himself face to face with a little sparrow flying in the middle of the road.
He does all he can to avoid the unfortunate bird, but nothing to do, the collision is inevitable!
In the rear-view mirror he sees the unfortunate little animal spinning around on the asphalt, then falling on its back, wings outstretched.
Seized with remorse, he stops and realizes that the beast is only unconscious. He picks up the sparrow, buys a small cage, and he sets it up snugly, with a little bread and a saucer of water for when he wakes up.
The next day, the bird wakes up, sees the bars of the cage, the piece of bread and the saucer of water, puts its head between the wings and exclaims:
- Aah but what a story! I killed the biker and here I am in prison!
10.Of animals and men
Two sardines are swimming quietly in the Mediterranean, suddenly one of them sees a submarine and asks her girlfriend:
- But what is this ?
The other responds:
- Don't worry, they're canned men.
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In the middle of Paris, a madman sprays a product in a bomb. A passer-by addresses him:
- What are you doing there ?
- I just invented a product to keep elephants away.
- But it's stupid, there is no elephant around here!
- So you can see: my product is effective!
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-In the countryside, an old couple will celebrate their golden wedding anniversary.
- How about we kill the pig for the occasion? suggests the husband.
- And why then, answers the woman, it has nothing to do with it!
11.Family History
Two friends meet in front of the vet:
- I'm taking my dog to the vet because he bit my mother-in-law!
- Oh well, you're not going to make him sting?
- No, you're kidding ... I'm here to sharpen his teeth!
12.What are these beasts there?
He is a businessman who crosses an Alpine region by car and has some time ahead of him. He sees a peasant watching over his flock.
- So, my good fellow, what are these beasts?
- Cows. They are cows.
- Ah, yes, mmmh, mmmh. And they make a lot of milk, these cows?
- Houlà , yes. The white ones give me 10 lit 'of milk a day.
The farmer lets a few seconds pass and adds:
- Blacks too, by the way ...
The businessman continues:
- Ah, mmmh, mmmh, yes, of course. And these beasts, what are they, eh?
- Sheep.
- Hey, very good. And that's a lot of wool, these ... sheep?
- I think so. The whites make me twenty kilos a year.
...
... blacks too, by the way.
- Yes Yes Yes. And these little beasts, what are they, then?
- Chickens. See Ben.
- Ah, oh yes, of course. And that gives you a lot of eggs, these hens?
- Ben, the whites do well one a day, good weight.
...
... blacks too, by the way.
- Mmmh, yes. But, say then, my good fellow, can you explain to me why you systematically distinguish the black beasts from the white beasts, since in any case they produce the same thing?
- Aah maaiiis sir, well hey, ho, is that the white, well, they are pouting! Hey !
...
... blacks too, by the way ...
13.Millipede Stories
A centipede has a rendezvous with an ant.
The ant has been waiting for a long time, but the centipede is still not here ...
Finally, an hour late and all out of breath, he finally arrived:
- But what were you doing? asks the ant.
- Well, outside there is a sign: "Wipe your feet!" replies the centipede ...
A centipede mom counts the paws of her newly born child:
- 998, 999, 1000 ... 1001! Oh, it's a boy!
14.Little jokes about elephants and giraffes
How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
- We open the fridge door, we put the elephant, we close the fridge door.
How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?
- We open the fridge door, we remove the elephant, we put the giraffe, we close the fridge door.
How do you know that an elephant has been in a fridge?
- In the traces he left on the butter!
In Noah's ark, an animal was missing, which one?
- The giraffe, it was in the fridge.
How does an elephant hide in a field of strawberries?
- He paints his nails red!
Have you ever seen elephants in a strawberry field?
- No, it's because they are well hidden!
Why are elephants gray?
- So that they are not confused with wild strawberries.
Which elephants are still afraid of being taken for wild strawberries?
- Those with red eyes.
How do red-eyed elephants hide from strawberry pickers?
- They go up in cherry trees.
How does an elephant climb a cherry tree?
- He sits on a stone, and he waits for the tree to grow.
How does an elephant come down from a tree?
- He sits on a leaf, and waits for autumn.
Why does an elephant never play with a computer?
- Because he's afraid of the mouse.
What can elephant moms have that other animals can't?
- Baby elephants!
What does an elephant take when he walks into a bar?
- Space ...
15. Mouse boasting
Three mice are sitting around a table, nibbling a bit of cheese, while discussing the tip of the fat.
Naturally, they end up bragging to who is better.
The first mouse says:
- I have to admit that I'm pretty badass: you know, mousetraps with a bit of cheese on them? Well I manage to lift the jaws of the trap and take the cheese. Really !
The second on hearing this outbid:
- Yes, not bad, not bad. But do you see the poisoned wheat lying around here and there? ... Well me, I use that as a snack when I watch Tom & Jerry on TV!
So the third mouse gets up and goes to the door saying:
- You are both really too strong! Okay, I have to leave you, I have to go home now, it's time to take the cat for a walk ...
16.Oiled the dog?
This story takes place in the countryside. It is a local peasant who once again lost his dog.
He said to his wife:
- Say here the Ma'am, the dog has also disappeared.
- Go see a little at the SPA (Society for the Protection of Animals) once they have found it!
The farmer therefore goes to the SPA in the hope of finding his dog there:
- Hello sir, here I have my dog I have two days and as it was not coming back, I wondered if you could not m 'help?
- Is the dog tattooed?
- Of course he is pouting!
17.Risk of falling
A lady walks into a pet store when suddenly she sees, a parrot with a blue ribbon hanging on one paw, and a red ribbon hanging on the other.
She asks :
- Why does this parrot have ribbons hanging from its legs?
- Because when you pull on the blue ribbon, he speaks French, and when you pull on the red ribbon, he speaks English.
The lady, curious, asks:
- And when we shoot the 2?
- I'm breaking my face, answers the parrot!
18.Snails
Two snails roam the city, the first asks:
- Shall we go eat cherries?
The other :
- But is it winter ?!
- Yeah, by the time we get there ...
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Two snails are walking on the beach.
Suddenly they see a slug. One of them then exclaims:
- Oops, turn around, we are on a nude beach!
19.Animal friend
On a departmental road, a truck driver is by the side of the road, next to his broken down refrigerated truck. He waved and stopped another trucker:
- What is happening ? asks the trucker who has stopped.
- You are just right, I have a little favor to ask of you! Here, my truck let go of me and I have 15 penguins to take to the zoo. With this heat, time to mend, they will all be dead. As I saw that your truck is refrigerated too, it would be nice to take them to me there.
- No problem, I like animals, answers the trucker, charitable. And here are the penguins transferred to the new truck.
The broken-down man gives a few tickets to the trucker who helps him out:
- Here, here is a little money for the expenses ... As soon as it is repaired, I arrive ...
An hour later, the guy who had broken down fixed it, and here he is with his truck, in town towards the zoo. Stopped at a red light, he sees his charitable truck driver, on zebra crossings, followed by his 15 penguins:
- But what are they doing here ?!
He runs after the guy and the penguins:
- But where are you going, why didn't you take them to the zoo?
- I took them there, the guy answers, but since I had some change left, I'm taking them to the cinema
20.Animal war
A colony of ants was regularly walked over by a herd of elephants.
One day, the ants decide to do themselves justice.
As the herd of elephants passes, one of them is left behind.
The ants attack, climb on the isolated elephant and sting it from all sides.
Feeling tickled, the elephant shakes itself violently and the ants all find themselves on the ground.
All except one, valiantly clinging to the mastodon's neck so as not to fall. On the ground, the other ants shout at the top of their lungs:
- Go ahead ! Strangle him! Strangle him!
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