Blonde Jokes

 

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1.Women's football teams

Two women's soccer teams are in a Double-Decker bus. On the ground floor, a team of brunettes are partying in all directions. On the first floor, the blondes are calm and seated in their seats.

A brunette goes upstairs and asks:

- But why don't you party?

A blonde answers:

- Well, you have a driver, we don't!

2.The blonde and the bookstore

A blonde to a blonde bookseller:

- I would like a book.

- Which author?

- Uh, 20 cm.

- Vincent who?

3.The blonde and the game of chess

Two blondes decide to play chess. One says to the other:

- Tell me, do you have the rules in mind?

- No why, I'm bleeding from the nose?

4.The blonde and the flashing

What does a blonde say to the mechanic when he asks if his indicator is working?

- He walks. It does not work. He walks. It does not work. He walks…

5.Two blondes and a car

Two blondes have been trying for an hour to open the door of their car with the lock locked. The first says to the other:

- I can't unlock the door!

- Hurry because it's starting to rain and the hood is open.

6.The blonde and the toilet

Why do blondes go to the bathroom with a gun?

- To flush the toilet!

7.The blonde and the bread

Why do blondes bang bread against the wall?

- For a snack!

8.The blonde and the cinema

Why do blondes take a pear at the movies?

- To split the pear!

9.The blonde and the pig

Why does a blonde run after a pig with an ax?

- To make a piggy bank!

10 .Mental diarrhea

It's the blonde who goes to see her doctor and says:

- Doctor, I think I have mental diarrhea.

The doctor said to him:

- But how do you explain that?

And the blonde answers him:

- Anytime I have an idea, it's crap.

11.Mirror

A blonde walks around and crosses herself with a mirror. She then thinks:

- I've seen that face somewhere before! I'm pretty sure I know him.

After a while she said to herself:

- Ah, I know !!! This is the bitch staring at me at the hairdresser!

12.Gates of Heaven

Two blondes wait at the gates of Heaven after their death.

The first asks the other:

- How did you die?

- I'm frozen to death.

- Ah, that's horrible! What is it like to die of frost?

- You are shaking, your fingers and toes hurt. But after a while you become very calm as if you were falling asleep ...

- How did you die?

- Oh me, I had a heart attack. I suspected my husband was wrong, so one day I decided to find out. I got home in the middle of the afternoon and found my husband watching TV… I ran into the bedroom and found no one, then into the basement at full speed , nobody was hiding there either. I rushed up to the second floor, but still no one. I finally stormed into the attic, and before I could even get there, I had a heart attack and died.

The second blonde then said:

- What a pity ! If only you had checked in the freezer, we would both be alive!

13.AIDS

A blonde has sex with a guy. After a while she asks him:

- You don't have AIDS at least?

- But no !

They continue then the blonde asks again:

- Are you really sure you don't have AIDS?

- But I'm telling you no! And then why this question?

- Because it would piss me off to nab him a second time!

14.New York

A blonde walks into a bank in New York and asks for a loan.

She explains that she is going to Europe for two weeks on business and needs to borrow $ 5,000.

The agent says the bank would need collateral for this loan.

The blonde then hands the keys to her new Roll Royce.

The car is parked in front of the bank, the blonde has the papers, the titles and everything is in order.

The bank agrees to take the car as a pledge for the loan.

As soon as she left the agency, the manager and his agents

burst out laughing:

- She's a blonde, to leave a Rolls of $ 250,000 as a pledge of a loan of $ 5,000.

An employee then takes care of parking the car in the garage

underground of the bank.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns: she returns the 5,000

dollars and interest, which is exactly 15 dollars and 41 cents.

The banker then said:

- Miss, we are very happy to have done business with you and this transaction went very well, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found you to be a multimillionaire! Why this loan of 5,000 dollars?

The blonde answers:

- Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $ 15 and 41 cents and expect to find it when I get back?

It is often said that blondes are assholes ...

But there is even more stupid: bank employees for example.

15.Day of the week

How to make a blonde laugh on Sunday?

Tell him a funny story on Friday!