School Jokes

1.What is the difference between a teacher and a thermometer?

 Any. We tremble when they mark "0"!

2. I decided not to go to school anymore, announces a little boy to his mother.

 In what honor ?

 On the news bulletin, they said that someone had been shot in Italy because he knew too much.

3.Martin's teacher asks:

 Martin, do you know the difference between the sun and your math homework?

 No sir.

 Well, the sun is a star ... and your duty is a disaster!

4.At school, the teacher returns the copies and takes said to one of his students:

 Come on, my little Antoine, admit that your father helped you do this homework!

 Not at all, Messieurs, I swear it to you ... - It's true, are you sure?

 Yes, I'm sure. He did it on his own.

5.In class a student raises his finger, the teacher who thought he was going to give him an answer gives him the floor.

 Sir, the fly of your pants is open!

The very embarrassed teacher closes it and decides to call out to the student on the way out.

 Listen my son, the next time you see my fly open don't tell me in front of the whole class.

 So how will I do?

After a little reflection, the teacher answers him:

 Instead of telling me the fly is open tell me that the administration is open, OK?

 OK Messieurs

The next day the student raised his finger when the teacher had not asked a question. The teacher understood what it was ...

 What's going on my son, the administration is open?

  No sir, the principal is outside!

6.She is a schoolteacher who asks her students what their dad is doing.

  So what is your dad doing?

  He is a mechanic!

  That's it and you, what is your dad doing?

   He is a baker

  It's good! It feeds society.

 And it continues because it is important to question all the students in the class.

And at the end of the class there is a very little curled up who is very sad.

The teacher asks her: what is your dad doing?

 My daddy is dead!

Obviously this throws a chill. So the teacher does not want to stop there because it is terrible;

she asks him :

 and before he died what was he doing?

 he was doing ARRRRGHHHH!

7.Thomas finds his English teacher quite to his liking. Also, he sends her an SMS:

   Douillou sink it is possible tou crak-crak wiziou zis ivening?

   Scandalized, she answers:

    Never!

   So Thomas, very happy, writes this last text:

   Splendid, let's say never, never and a half!

8. A cannibalistic child always stays in a corner. His mistress goes to see him and asks him:

  But why don't you go with the other children?

  Because my father told me not to play with the food!

9. Two schoolchildren, Thomas and Théo, arrive late for class. The teacher then asks:

   Why are you late ?

Thomas apologizes saying he lost a euro coin. The mistress, letting Thomas in, said:

 And you Theo, why the delay?

 While Thomas was looking for his coin, I hid it under my feet.

10. A teacher says to a student:

   Take the door.

   I can't, said the student!

   Why can not you ?

   Because I don't have a screwdriver!

11. A little girl comes back from school and says to her father:

 Daddy, daddy, don't you know the last one?

 No he answers!

 It's me !

12. The English teacher is inspected.

The inspector takes his place at the back of the class next to little Denis. The teacher suggests that the students do oral translations.

 Who can translate 'My dog is black' for me ?.

Me, me, said Denis, raising his finger.

 I'm listening, said the teacher.

 What a beautiful butt she has that one!

 You're expelled from the course, rude kid!

Little Denis is packing up his stuff in his bag and, leaving his seat to take the door, says to the inspector: When we don't know, we don't blow!

13.An academy inspector goes to a classroom. He questions a student:

 Who broke the Soissons vase?

The pupil turns pale, hesitates, then stammers in a sob:

 It's not me ...

 How? 'Or' What ? You don't know who ...

"Sir, since he tells you it's not him," said the professor.

 How? 'Or' What ? How? 'Or' What ? You also don't know who ...

 Well, no, answers the professor evasive.

The inspector then makes a report to the director of the establishment.

 See the state of education, students and teachers do not know who broke the vase of Soissons!

The director, annoyed, wonders:

 But who broke this vase?

He sends a request to the rector of the academy.

The latter, receiving the request, examines it between two urgent cases and exclaims:

 But what a story for a vase! That we replace it!

14. After the baccalaureate exams, a young Corsican returns home. His father asks him:

 so the bac, how was it?

 You'll be proud of me, dad.

 Great, did it work then?

 Of course ! They interrogated me for two hours, but I didn't say anything!

15.According to a brief in a newspaper, a private school in Haute-Garonne was recently faced with an unusual problem. An increasing number of 12-year-old girls have started using lipstick and applying it in the toilet. So far, no problem, but after putting it on, they applied their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little marks. Every night the housekeeper had to clean the mirror and every day the girls started over. In the end, the principal decided to do something and set up a meeting between the girls and the cleaner in the bathroom. He then explained that the marks were a big problem for cleaning because they were very hard to remove. To show how difficult these marks are to remove, he asks the housekeeper to clean the mirror. He then takes his sponge broom, soaks it in a toilet bowl and cleans the mirror with it.

Since then, there are no more lipstick brands.

16. In a biology class, the teacher explains that semen contains a very high level of glucose. A first year girl raises her hand and asks the question:

 If I understand correctly, you are saying that there is as much glucose in semen as in sugar.

 It is true.

The young girl thinks a little then raises her hand and asks:

Then why doesn't it taste like sugar?

After a few seconds of astonished silence, the whole class bursts out laughing, and the poor girl, realizing what she has just inadvertently said, turns brick red, picks up her things, and leaves the amphitheater. However, on the way out, she hears the professor's response, very deadpan:

 Miss, it's because the taste buds are on the tip of the tongue, and not at the back of the throat.

17 .Little Thomas asks his teacher if he can talk to her after class. She accepts.

Teacher: So what do you want to tell me, Thomas?

Thomas: I think I'm too smart to stay in this class, I'm bothering! I would like to go directly to the Lycée.

With that, the director informed, asks Thomas if he wants to take tests. Thomas accepts without hesitation, the director begins the tests.

The Director: Let's see Thomas, 3 x 4

Thomas: Twelve!

The Director: And 6 x 6

Thomas: Thirty-six, Mr. Director.

The Director: Capital of Japan?

Thomas: Tokyo

The test continues for half an hour, Thomas makes no mistakes! At the end of the test, the principal is satisfied, but the teacher asks if she can ask him questions in her turn. They both accept, and the teacher begins.

The Mistress: Good Thomas! The cow, she has 4 and I have 2, what is it?

Thomas: The legs, Madam.

The Mistress: Correct .. What do we find in your pants and not in mine?

The Director is surprised at the question ...

Thomas: Pockets, madam.

Mistress: Good, Thomas. What do men and women have right in the middle that is duplicated?

The principal prepares to intervene when Thomas answers.

Thomas: The two "M's", Madame.

Mistress: Where do women have the most curly hair?

Thomas: In Africa Madam, the kid answers without hesitation.

Mistress: What is soft but which, in a woman's hands, becomes hard?

The Headmaster opens his eyes wide but Thomas replies:

Nail polish, madam.

The Mistress: What do the men and us women have in the middle of the legs?

Thomas: The knees!

The Mistress: Good. And what does a married woman have that is larger than a single woman?

18. Pierre comes home from school much earlier than expected. Without a word and with his head bowed, he takes out his notebook from the satchel and hands it to his mother. The headmistress wrote a note that says:

 We kicked Peter out of school today because of his behavior. Please explain the difference between       men and women.

After having read the message, Pierre's mother takes her son by the hand and, arriving in the room, she says to him:

 Pierre, take off my shoes.

He immediately takes off his mother's shoes.

 Pierre, take off my blouse.

He does it.

 Pierre takes off my skirt.

He does it.

 Pierre, take off my bra.

He does it.

 Pierre, take off my tights.

He does it. Furious, her mother shouts in her ears:

 And now, Pierre, promise me never to put my clothes on to go to school again!

19.The teacher returns her copy to a student:

 Thomas, your writing on your dog looks word for word to that of Pierre!

And the little boy answers him:

 Normal, madam, we have the same dog!

20. In a small rural village, a girl arrives late for school. The teacher asks him:

 You've seen the hour ? Hope you have a good excuse!

 Well, madam, I had to bring the cow to the bull.

 How? 'Or' What ? Couldn't your father have taken care of it?

 Well no, madam, he had to bring mom to the mammoth