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Jokes about politics

 Jokes about politics


Joke.1

A man dies then finds himself facing Saint Peter. The latter said to him
- I welcome you to the gate of paradise.
Dubitative, the man sees clocks located behind St Pierre.
 Why are there St Peter's clocks?
 It's simple my boy. As soon as a person is born, a clock appears, and as soon as he says or does something stupid, the hands start to turn.
 Oh good, and where is Sarkozy's?
 She's in my room, I use her as a fan.

Joke.2

Donald Trump consults a clairvoyant: The very concentrated clairvoyant closes her eyes and says to her:
- I see you passing in a big avenue, in a car, the open roof, the people in jubilation.
Trump smiles and asks him:
- So the crowd is happy?
- Yes like never.
- What about the people running after the car?
- Yes, around the car, like crazy. The police are struggling to find their way.
- People carrying flags?
- Yes, flags and banners of America with words of hope and a better future.
- Really ? And the people are screaming, singing?
- Yes people are shouting phrases of hope: "Oh! Now everything will be better !!!"
- And me, how do I react to all this?
- I can't see it.
- Why ?
- The coffin is closed.

Joke.3

On a beautiful summer morning, Soviet No. 1 opens his office window. The sun rises radiant on the roofs of Moscow and the N ° 1 gives him joyfully:
- Hello, Comrade Sun!

So the sun respectfully:
- Hello, Comrade Secretary General of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, President of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet, Marshal of the Soviet Union!

Happy and flattered, N ° 1 settles down at his desk, immerses himself in files, receives ambassadors and senior officials, etc. At noon, N ° 1 salutes the sun again at its Zenith:
- Hello Comrade Soleil!
- Hello, Comrade Secretary General of the C. C. du P. C. U. S., President of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet, Marshal of the Soviet Union!

The very happy N ° 1 eats lunch, takes a nap, immerses himself in files, receives ministers and ambassadors, etc. Evening at sunset in all its splendor:
- Good evening, Comrade Soleil!
- Fuck you, big ass, I just went West!

Joke.4

The pen has just died and he presents himself at the gate of heaven:
- Are you kidding? Saint Peter said to him. You claim to enter paradise? But get the hell out of here, miserable! Go, ouste, to hell!
The next day, Saint Peter is awakened by a hubbub at the gate of paradise. He opens and comes face to face with a crowd of demons, damned and imps ...
- But what are you doing here? Does he exclaim? Why are you not in hell?
- We're coming to seek asylum! Explains a devil. We left hell, while we could still do it!

Joke.5

The new French unit of measure. Un are = 100 m²
A guaymare = 600 m²

Joke.6

It is a presidential candidate who begins his campaign and decides to start with a tour of retirement homes.
He arrives in the park of one of those charming houses where one abandons his parents and grandparents in the name of the most elementary Malthusian, and launches into a great session of handshakes. And he arrives in front of a very shabby little granny, to whom he waves in front of photographers who passed by chance, and to whom he says:
- Are you okay ma'am? Are you well taken care of here?
- Yes yes, no problem, my good sir. Everything is fine...
- And you know who I am?
- No, but do like me, go to the reception desk, they will tell you ...
 

Joke.7

Ideas

 - I don't vote people, I vote ideas! - How about I give you a million euros? - Well, I would vote for anyone, because the idea is not that bad

Joke.8

Funeral

 A local politician died and a friend sought funds for his funeral. A woman was invited to donate ten euros. "Ten euros ?" she says. "You only need ten euros to bury a politician? Here is a hundred euros: bury 10!"
 

Joke.9

Brains

 A man walks into a brain dealer and says, "Why are you selling Albert Einstein's brain for less than Donald Trump's?" The merchant replies: "Because Donald Trump's has never been used."

Joke.10

Doctor

 François Hollande consults his doctor: - Doctor, I have mental diarrhea. - What do you mean ? - Every time I have an idea, it's crap!
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