Good humor

On every May 7, world day of laughter, let us remember that “what is proper to man” is good for health in particular because it reduces stress. Laughter therapies are also intended to derive all the benefits. But laughing and making people laugh is not for everyone. Having a sense of good humor is also being able to mobilize cognitive abilities to perceive what is funny in a situation that is not necessarily funny at first. In October 2016, a cognitive psychology professor explained to us why humor is good for mental health, brings well-being and shows a rather optimistic nature.

Good Humor holds an important place in our lives. We look for it at all ages and in all cultures, whether listening to a humorous column in the morning, exchanging a well-thought-out tweet or joking with a colleague at work. Historically, humor was viewed in a rather negative light by psychologists, who could see it as contempt, a mark of superiority of the individual or a defense mechanism aimed at masking their real feelings.

 Modern psychology shows how  good humor is seen today as an asset for mental health. Being able to make others laugh allows you to distribute a little well-being around you; a touch of good humor in everyday life promotes rapprochement between individuals and reduces stress.

The art of joke

But enjoying humor requires some mental operations. Psychologists describe understanding a joke in three stages:

first, you have to imagine the situation of the joke,

then grasp an incongruity there,

and finally, manage to evacuate the initial explanation which is not funny in order to perceive the humor of the fall.

Sometimes we don't appreciate humor for a number of reasons. First, the joke can have a racist or sexist connotation. Second, understanding humor requires being able to inhibit its initial non-funny representation. For example, in violent cartoons like Bip Bip and Coyote, where the latter is subjected to atrocities, you have to be able to forget the cruelty towards the animal to appreciate the humor.

In older people, due to cognitive decline due to age, humor may not be perceived as well as in younger people. In a 2013 literature review, Gil Greengross of the University of New Mexico shows that older people often value humor more than younger people. But a decline in their cognitive abilities reduces their ability to produce humor, a difficult task that requires proper functioning of the frontal lobe.  

Here is the list of some good humor jokes:
1. Paradise

In paradise, two women are talking.

- Why are you dead?

- Well, when I got home, I was sure my husband was cheating on me. So I ran to our bathroom. No one. I ran down the stairs to our room. No one. Then I arrived, out of breath, in the living room. No one. And on my way, panting, to the cellar, I had a heart attack.

And the other answers him:

If you had opened your freezer from the start, we would both be alive

2.Three old women are walking.

 On the ground there is a pile of used condoms. The first then complains:

 Look at that, these little bastards no longer respect anything.

The second takes a condom with her cane. They really do it anyhow. In my day we didn't need these things!

The third takes the condom. She gobbles up its content saying:

 And in addition they leave the best ...

3.A plane is about to land

 The pilot and his co-pilot, seeing the runway, are traumatized:

"But she's tiny !! We're never going to land on such a short runway !! We're all going to die! They're crazy for making such a small runway !!!"

The stress rises, the plane goes down, and finally, comes to a halt at the end of the runway.

The pilot, sweaty but relieved, exclaims:

"It was really, really short this trail!"

And the co-pilot, glancing right, then left, adds:

"But on the other hand, what is LAAARGE!"

4.Dinner

During a dinner between two couples in their fifties, one of the husbands keeps calling his wife by little nicknames "my darling, my love, my sweetie ..."

At the end of the meal, the other husband, astonished, asks him in private: "Hey, how do you manage, you, after 30 years of marriage, to continue to call your wife like that ?!"

And the other to answer:

"Well, actually, it's because I dare not tell him, but ... I forgot his first name!"

5.Three old people

Three little old people are talking sitting on the bench of the retirement home. The first is 70 years old, the second is 80 years old and the third is 90 years old.

The 1st says: "me in the morning, I get up, I have lunch, I do my needs and after, I will run a little ..."

The 2nd says: "I am the same, in the morning I get up, I have lunch, I do my business and then I walk a little ... I am no longer very young ..."

And the 3rd: "I am the same, in the morning I have lunch, I do my business and then I get up!"

6.Blonde

Julia is a blonde who is in bed with her lover when the phone rings. She picks up and starts a short conversation. Then she hangs up and turns to the guy saying:

 It was Gerard. He told me not to worry and not to wait for him tonight because he is playing cards with you.

7.What is the difference between an accident and a disaster?

If your mother-in-law is drowning: it's an accident.

If you save her: it's a disaster.

8.  A Drunk Guy

A completely drunk guy comes to ring insistently at people

in the middle of the night.

The man of the house stands up and asks furiously:

" What do you want ?"

The other answers him:

"Come push me !!! You have to come push me !!!!"

The owner of the house said to him:

"I don't know you, and besides it's 4 a.m.

wake up to tell me to push you and I don't want to, so get out

from here and don't bother me anymore !!! "

Back in the bedroom, he goes back to bed, but his wife who has everything

heard, sermons him:

"Even if you exaggerate, it has happened to you to be broken down

night, you could have pushed that poor guy!

- Yeah, but it's cold and he's drunk !!!

- All the more reason to help him, he won't do it on his own. No ?

Really, I don't recognize you, I'm very disappointed with your

attitude...!!!"

Her husband, seized with remorse, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and

calls out :

"Hey man !!! It's okay, I got dressed on purpose to come to you.

push !!! Where are you ?"

And the drunk guy answers:

"There on the swing !!!!!!!!"

9.The action takes place in 2015

A man comes home from work with a lie detector robot.

Her 15-year-old son comes home 2 hours late from school.

 Where have YOU been all this time? Asks the father.

 I was at the library to prepare an assignment!

The robot goes to the son and slaps him ...

The father explains:

 My son, this robot is a lie detector! You'd do better

To tell the truth ...

- OK ... I was at a friend's house and we watched a movie: The 10

Commandments.

And paf! The robot slaps the son again ...

- Ouch! Yeah ! It was actually a porn movie ...

The father :

- I'm ashamed of you ! At your age, I never lie to my parents!

And paf! The robot slaps the father ...

The mother laughs:

- Definitely, it is your son ...

And paf! A slap on the mother ...

10. Excavations

In the course of excavations in the Russian subsoil up to 100m of

depth, Russian scientists have found remnants of

copper that was around 1000 years old.

The Russians concluded that their ancestors already had 1000

years of a copper wire network.

The Americans, for good measure, also carried out

excavations in their basement to a depth of 200m.

They found fiberglass remains there. It turned out that they

were about 2000 years old.

Americans have concluded that their ancestors already had a

2000 years of a digital fiberglass network. And that, 1000 years before

Russians!

A week later, in Belgium the following press release was published:

"Following excavations in the Belgian subsoil to a depth of

5000m Belgian scientists found nothing at all. They conclude

that the Former Belgians already had a WiFi network 5,000 years ago.

11.Before marriage:

She: Hi!

Him: Ah, how long I've been waiting for this!

She: Do you want me to go?

Him: NO. I do not even dare to think about it

She: Do you love me?

Him: Of course! Very much !

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

Him: NO! Why do you ask ?

She: Do you want to kiss me?

Him: Whenever I get the chance

She: Will you beat me one day?

Him: Are you crazy?

She: Can I trust you?

Him: Yes

Her: Honey!

After the wedding ... read from bottom to top!

12. A lady bought a wardrobe

A lady bought a wardrobe from Ikea and decided to assemble it on her own, without waiting for her husband. She takes a good look at the plan and sets to work. There it's done. But down in the street, a bus passes. The floor vibrates, and the wardrobe begins to shake, and there she is on the floor. The lady does not admit defeat. She resumes editing, following the steps one after the other, she even adds a point of glue here and there ... Here it is, it's over. But the shuttle bus has returned, and again the floor vibrates, the wardrobe shakes, shakes and the ceiling, it collapses. Exhausted, she calls the Ikea after-sales service. He was immediately sent a technician. When he arrives, he leaves his bag, leaves his butt in the ashtray and declares:

 Well, let's see that, I'll redo the edit and we'll see what happens. He assembles normally and, in a quarter of an hour, the matter is settled.

 Well, this cupboard is very good, where is the problem?

 Wait a bit for the bus to pass, and you will see ... The bus does indeed pass, and the ground        vibrates, the cupboard shakes, and the cupboard crumbles.

 I will have the last word! says the technician, and he starts the assembly again, but with super strong glue, additional screws, big hammer blows ... And the bus which continues its service passes in the street, and the ground vibrates, the cabinet trembles, trembles, trembles and vlan, it is found in a thousand pieces. The technician gets angry:

 Holy shit! I'll get to the bottom of it. I'm going to put it all back together normally, and I'm going to get inside to see what happens when it vibrates.

And that's when the lady's husband comes home from work. He sees the bag, the cigarette butt, and asks his wife:

 You're cheating on me, I'm sure now. Who owns this satchel? and this cigar? Here, and this wardrobe is new! Your lover is in there, I know it !.

And he opens the wardrobe.

 So, what are you doing here?

 Well, you won't believe me, but I'm waiting for the bus ...

13.The Unfinished Symphony

A company president receives as a gift an entrance ticket for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony given as part of the music festival in the village where the group's main factory is located. Not having any desire to go to the provinces, and no member of the management wishing to go there, he remembers that the head of the organization department was carrying out a mission in the factory all that week. He asks her to represent him there. The following Monday, the president receives the following report:

Mister President,

I have carefully observed the work of the orchestra performing the unfinished symphony as you had invited me to. Here are the remarks I could give you.

For considerable intervals, the four oboe players stood idly by. One should reduce their number and distribute their work over the entire symphony, so as to eliminate peak periods.

The twelve violins were in unison, they all played the same notes at the same time. This duplication is expensive and completely unnecessary. It would be good to drastically reduce the size of this section of the orchestra. If volume is really necessary, it will be more economical to obtain it through an electronic amplifier, available today at very reasonable prices.

The coefficient of use of the triangle is extremely low. It is in the interest of using this instrument for a longer period of time, and even to provide for several, its purchase price being low, the investment would be very profitable.

The orchestra devotes a considerable effort to the production of half eighth notes. Isn't there a perfectionist refinement here? I recommend rounding all of these notes to the nearest eighth note. By proceeding in this way, it should be possible to use less qualified personnel, and therefore less expensive, or even trainees.

Certain musical passages give rise to abusive repetitions. Is it useful to have the horns repeat the passage already performed by the strings? If all such redundant passages were eliminated, I estimate that it would be possible to reduce the total duration of the concert from two hours to twenty minutes. Note incidentally that this would eliminate the intermission which is expensive given the lighting of the room and the foyer.

Note also that in many cases musicians use one hand only to hold their instrument. Could we not introduce an articulated mechanical fixing device to do this? This would free up the hands which could then be occupied with other things. Likewise, it seems abnormal to ask wind instruments to exert excessive force at times. Would it not be simpler to equip the orchestra with a compressor which would distribute the air, under adequate pressure, to the instruments concerned?

Last point, the obsolescence of the equipment deserves a close examination. The concert program stated that the first violin used an instrument that was centuries old. By applying reasonable amortization schedules, the value of this instrument should be near zero today. Shouldn't we invest in more modern and therefore more efficient equipment?

We can conclude, Mr President, that if Schubert had paid attention to these remarks, he probably would have been able to complete his symphony.

14.Real vs Virtual

  Dad, what's the difference between 'Real' and 'Virtual'?

 It's simple, go ask your mother and your sister if they are ready to sleep with a stranger for 1 million euros?

The boy will ask and report the answer:

 They said that for a million they would make the effort ...

 Well you see, we are virtually a millionaire and really ... we have 2 whores at home!

15.In 2010, God visited Noah 

In 2010, God visited Noah who lived not far from the sea and said to him:

- Once again the earth has become unlivable and overpopulated and I must act. Build an ark and gather a couple of each living being and a few good humans. You have six months to do this before I send rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, God looked down and saw Noah sweeping his yard, but no ark.

- Noah, he growled, I will send the rain soon, where is the ark?

- Forgive me my God, implored Noah but times have changed. I needed a building permit to start the ark. I had to fight for several months with the inspector over the alarm system for the fire. Meanwhile, my neighbors got together because I was breaking the subdivision rules by building an arch in my yard and was going to obstruct the view. We had to go to the conciliator to get an agreement.

Then the Town Planning presented a report on the costs of the work necessary to allow the ark to reach the sea. In vain I told them that it is the sea that would come to the ark, they did not want to believe me.

Obtaining sufficient wood was another problem. The associations for the protection of the environment joined forces to prevent the cutting of trees, under the pretext that we were going to destroy the habitat of several animal species and thus endanger them.

I tried to explain that, on the contrary, all this wood would be used to save these species, nothing helped. When I started to bring together couples of different animal species, the SPA, the WWF and Brigitte Bardot fell on my back. Under the pretext that I locked up wild animals against their will

in rooms too small for them. That in doing so, I was doing an act of cruelty to animals.

Then, the government agency for sustainable development wanted to launch a study on the environmental impact of this famous flood.

At the same time I was debating with the Administration over the employment of volunteer workers in the construction of the ark. I hired them because the unions forbade me to employ my own sons, saying I should only use highly skilled workers in arch construction and if possible unionized.

To make matters better, the tax authorities seized all my assets, claiming that I was trying to flee the country illegally, followed in this by customs who added that I wanted to cross the borders to species recognized as dangerous.

So forgive me, my God, but I don't even know if 10 years would have been enough to build this ark.

Immediately the clouds cleared and a magnificent rainbow appeared. Noah raised his head and said

- Aren't you going to destroy the world?

- No need, replied God, the Administration takes care of it

16. A man in a bar

A man in a bar, after a few beers, decides to make a bet with the owner bartender.

 I'll bet you $ 20 that I can bite my right eye.

the barman thought that the man had probably drunk too much to reason logically, so he accepted the bet, sure to make easy money.

It was then that the man took his right eye which was actually a glass eye and bites it. After receiving his money and buying himself a few more drinks the man offered the bartender another bet.

 I bet you the same amount that I can bite my other eye.

The bartender accepted the bet, telling himself that the man couldn't have two glass eyes. He wasn't blind after all.

Much to the bartender's dismay, the man took his dentures out of his mouth and brought it to his left eye to bite it.

Seeing the bartender's depression caused by all this loss of money, the man decided to offer another bet.

 Come on, don't look like that, I offer you another bet for all the money you give me, I bet I'm able to piss in a shooter worm three meters away without dropping a single drop on the ground.

The bartender seeing the opportunity to get his money back agreed. The man was so drunk he was sure he would win.

So the man sat down and started pissing all over the floor when he was done there wasn't a single drop in the glass. It was then that the bartender laughed and picked up the Satisfied Silver but noticed the man was smiling.

But why are you smiling? said the bartender. You just lost 40 dollars!

It was then that the man exclaimed

 You see the four men sitting at the table in the back of the room. I bet 100 with each of them that if I pissed on your floor you'd laugh.

17.He's a guy walking into a bar.

He sits down at the counter and addresses the bartender.

"Come on, a whiskey before it starts!"

The bartender serves him a glass of whiskey which the man drinks in one gulp before exclaiming:

"Come on, a second whiskey before it starts!"

The bartender serves him his second glass of whiskey, which the man still drinks at once. This one, imperturbable, asks again:

"Come on, a third glass of whiskey before it starts!"

The bartender serves the third glass of whiskey but when giving it to the man says:

 Well, maybe we should think about paying now.

 There you go, it begins.

18. Asylum

One day a madman is sitting on the wall of an asylum.

A motorist stops because he has a flat tire.

He wants to screw his spare tire but he realizes that he has no screws

The madman said to him:

You only have to take a screw from each wheel to attach the last one.

The surprised motorist said to him:

 Well what are you doing here, you are not crazy!

and the madman replied:

 If I'm crazy, but not stupid.

19. Despair

He is a man who finds himself in the most complete despair. He finds life so difficult that he sees only one way out: suicide.

So he takes a rope and goes into the forest.

While adjusting the noose on a branch, another man walks past him. He's a priest. He sees what the first is about to do and says to him:

"My good man, think before committing such an act. There is surely better to do. Here, I have a Bible with me, you will surely find a good word there which will comfort you."

The desperate man, hearing this, said to himself "Why not?"

He lets go of the rope, sits down on a stump and opens the holy book at random.

And there, at the very top of the page, it reads:

"Repent!"

20.A big show

In a big game show, the three contestants happen to be an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician. They have a test to do. This test involves building a fence all around a flock of sheep using as little material as possible.

The engineer has the herd gathered in a circle, then decides to build a barrier all around.

The physicist builds a fence of infinite diameter and tries to connect the ends of the fence together until the moment the whole herd can fit in the circle.

Seeing this, the mathematician builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being on the outside.