Marriage Jokes

1.Crucial Question

Son: Say, dad, why did you marry mom?

Father: Ah, you too are asking yourself the question ...

2.Prayer

 Prayer of a pastor after one of his parishioners came to tell him his desire to break with his loneliness and find a wife:

- Lord, help this man who is looking for a woman to marry to find her, and Lord, in Your Great Mercy, help him, even more, when he has found her!

3.Nice gift

Two friends are discussing:

- My wife and I have twenty years of marriage tomorrow, but I do not know what to offer her for the occasion! What did you buy from yours for your porcelain wedding anniversary?

- Well, for our twenty years of marriage, I offered her a trip to Tahiti ...

- Well then, say it! If for your twentieth birthday, you gave her such a trip, what are you going to buy her to celebrate her fortieth birthday?

- Well, it's simple, I've already thought about it: I'll go look for it!

4.Valentine's Day

It’s the story of a very rich man who, for Valentine's Day, asks his wife what would make her happy as a gift.

- What would you say to a fur coat?

- Okay ...

- How about I buy you a sports coupe?

- No no...

- What would you say to a second home in the mountains?

- No thanks...

Then the husband declares forfeit and asks him:

- Okay, come on, tell me what you want straight away, we'll go faster.

- I would like to divorce!

- Ouch! said the husband, I had not planned to spend so much ...

5.Sales

A young man from a good, wealthy family comes to ask the pastor of his commune to kindly preside over the ceremony of his marriage. The happy pastor told himself that thanks to this sumptuous wedding, he could perhaps raise the parish finances slightly thanks to the fundraising.

Alas, the celebration ended and despite a superb sermon and the large presence of a wealthy society in the audience, the collection is miserable: 10 euros! only 10 euros!

A few months later, the pastor receives the young groom who complains about his wife:

- "She is a spendthrift, dirty, never on time, grieving, spiteful, always in a bad mood, she has all the faults!"

- "What do you want", answers the pastor, "you know, for 10 euros, now, we don't have much!"

6.Double penalty

Do you know what is the penalty for bigamy?

- Two stepmothers.

A woman said to her husband:

- My mother is going half-mad!

And the husband, ironically:

- Ah well, she improves then?

7.To life, to death

This pastor, visibly moved to bless the marriage of young people that he had for many years in his Sunday school, then in the catechism, reread, in front of the assembly, the vows of fidelity and love; his glasses are misted with tears; he is therefore somewhat obliged to say it, in part, by heart:

- You promise to honor him and love him wholeheartedly until death ensues ...

8.Loving husband

- Honey, asks this woman to her husband, you prefer a pretty woman or an intelligent woman?

The husband, wanting to please his wife, replies:

- Neither one nor the other, my love, it is you that I prefer!

9.Error to rectify

One Sunday at the end of the service, a young parishioner walks up to the pastor. The pastor recognizes him because he celebrated his wedding six months ago.

- So, my young friend, how are you?

The young :

- Exactly, Mr. Pastor, I had a question to ask you: do you find it normal that someone can take advantage of the mistakes of others? "

Pastor :

- No, that's not very normal.

The young :

- In that case, will you give me back the 500 euros I gave you to celebrate my wedding?

10.  10.A couple celebrates their 30th wedding anniversary

No longer having sexual attraction for each other, the two decide to do everything to have a beautiful evening as before. They go to dinner in a very nice restaurant in the city center, then go to drink a glass of champagne in one of the bars they liked to go to when they were young, then come back happily to their home. The woman then begins to undress, and the husband begins to see very exciting new lace underwear. The woman then throws herself on the husband, kisses him greedily, tears off his clothes and throws him on the leather sofa. The pressure is really starting to build ...

- The bride is not stupid, she comes home with an old man ... and she comes out with a young ...

Her: - Come on my love! Like before ! Go wild!

Him: - Ouiiiii!

She: - Please! Do not be shy !

Him: - Oouiiii!

She: - Show me that you are always my man!

Him: - Yes, ouiiii!

The woman no longer with the excitement tears off in turn her bra, her panties and throws herself on her husband.

Her: - I want you to tell me dirty things!

Him: - Uhh ... The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, the toilets 

11.Not so stupid

On leaving the temple, on the sidewalk, the kid has just seen the procession of a wedding ...

So he declares:

- The bride is not stupid, she comes home with an old man ... and she comes out with a young ...

12.Compromising earring

A manager suddenly notices that his colleague is wearing an earring.

Knowing that he is very conservative, he finds this change surprising and questions him:

- I didn't know you liked earrings!

- It's okay, don't make a big deal out of it, it's just an earring, the man answers, obviously embarrassed.

- Ah! And since when have you been wearing it?

- Ever since my wife found her in our bed ...

13.Forced marriage

Noah is very annoyed ... In front of him, in the ark, an elephant and a mouse came to see him to convince him to marry them ...

- Well, understand, it's not possible ... imagine what people would say if I accepted ... We've never seen that, a mouse and an elephant getting married!

So the little mouse, all red, all ashamed, all confused to say:

- Yes, but, it is that ... we are obliged ...!

14.Child's vision

Lisa at 5 ... she just attended the wedding ceremony.

At the exit, she declares:

- "Well me, I'll never get married!"

- "And why that ?" asked the terrified parents.

- "Because at the beginning of the marriage, it is way too long, way too boring, it was painful! ... I hope that afterward, it is funnier ..."

15.My girl

Why do men call their wives "my hen"?

Answer: Because they eat their wheat!