Hmorous Quotes

  Humorous Quotes

Writers, politicians, and humorists offer an inexhaustible field of funny aphorisms in which it is delicious to immerse yourself. A selection of brilliant word games, from our cultural heritage or the pens of the greatest authors!

The best of witticisms, murderous phrases and other distilled verbal delicacies.

Words drawn over a repartee, a speech, or a work, they constitute as many humorous pearls that the lover of good words likes to collect.

The doctors are clear: laughter is healthy! Every day, discover humorous quotes from the greatest laughers. The funniest humorous quotes to be brilliant in all circumstances! An anthology of celebrity pearls, quirky and ambiguous little phrases, unstoppable short stories, and other humorous, cult thoughts.

The actors have a unique language: They remember, improvise, color their memory, quote forgotten formulas, even invent funny, cruel sentences which are repeated and become humorous quotes.

Here is a big list of humorous quotes:

1.Easy woman: woman whose number begins with 3615.

Marc Escayrol

2.The swallow does not make spring, but the camel makes the desert.

Francois Cavana

3.The first man that got married, he didn't know. .. The second, it is inexcusable.

Henri jeanson

4.Happiness: feeling of well-being which can lead to recklessness. If you swim in happiness, be careful, stay where you have your footing.

Marc Escayrol

5.It has been discovered that children with two heads are not nearly as witty as those who have only one.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

6.In politics as in life, it is often like this: When you don't have what you love, you have to love what you have.

Jacques Chirac

7.Household comfort corrupts; a straight man is a man who has no sink.

Marc Escayrol

8.I would like to know the music that my dog's tail beats in time.

Yvan Audouard

8.Some books are like Italian cuisine: they stuff but don't fill.

Edmond and Jules de Goncourt

9.I like cats because there are no police cats.

Jean Cocteau

10.With us, the shits are stretched so that they make more use.

Frédéric dard

11.Money is more useful than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody allen

12.Our head is round to allow thought to change direction.

Francis Picabia

13.It takes three to enjoy a good story. One to tell it well, one to taste it, and one to not understand it. .. Because the pleasure of the first two is doubled by the incomprehension of the third.

Alphonse Allais

14.When Christ rose from the dead, he first appeared to women so that the news would spread faster.

Jean Charles

15.Put all your eggs in one basket and watch the basket.

Mark Twain

16.Saving is a good thing, especially if your parents did it for you.

Winston Churchill

17.I passed an excellent evening. .. but it wasn't this one.

Groucho Marx

18.Fame is not easy to assume. I can't think of anything worse! Yes, maybe anonymity.

Guy Bedos

19.When I learned that Xavier Bertrand belonged to Freemasonry, I was not surprised to find him a mason; but frankly, it stops me a corner

Francois Fillon

20.Did you see how popular Mr. Sarkozy is in the Amazon rainforest?

Christian Estrosi

21.Fadela Amara in government, this shows the limits of Fogiel casting.

Nadine morano

22.Johnny Hallyday who announces his intention to remain French and Bernard Laporte who enters the government, it is a good period for French intelligence.

Francois Goulard

23.It is the same creator who named the stars and who knows the names of the seven souls we mourn today. The Columbia shuttle crew did not return to Earth intact, so we can pray that they are all safe at home.

George W. Bush

24.Some men get what they deserve: others are single.

Sacha Guitry

25.Love is like cards: if you don't have a partner, you need a good hand.

Pierre Desproges

26.I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage: they already know the pain and have already bought jewelry.

Rita rudner

27.Did you hear my dialogue in Braveheart? They must have confused me with the mime Marceau.

Sophie Marceau

28.The flirtatious woman is the pleasure of others and the evil of those who possess her.

Voltaire

29.The most compliment I can give a woman is to say to her: I am as well with you as if I were all alone.

Jean Yanne

30.I took a speed reading class and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Woody allen

31.Nice paradox: the woman is the masterpiece of God, especially when she has the devil in her body.

Alphonse Allais

32.By swallowing the nasty words that we do not utter, we never damaged our stomach.

Winston Churchill

33.It is better to be unfaithful to the man you love than to be faithful to a man you dislike.

Wolinsky

34.We dominated them 99% of the time. It was the remaining 3% that cost us the victory.

Ruud Gullit

35.When the candles are out, all the women are pretty.

Plutarch

36.Marriage is like a restaurant: you are hardly served when you look at your neighbor's plate.

Sacha Guitry

37.The only time a woman can change a man is when he's a baby.

Nathalie Wood

38.Politics is like love: you need great feelings and small intentions.

Michele Barzach

39.We only lend to the rich, and we are right, because it is difficult for others to repay.

Sad Bernard

40.In war as in love, to end it, you have to see each other up close.

Napoleon I

41.Unlike men, the ocean retreats so that the sea can keep its fish.

Pierre Dac

42.I don't see how my daughter could have become a chartered accountant.

Johnny halliday

43.The Bac is like laundry: you wet, dry and iron.

Henri troyat

44.In half of today's couples, it is the man who takes care of the children and the other man who goes to work.

Jean Yanne

45. bank will lend you an umbrella when the weather is nice and take it back when it rains.

Georges bernard shaw

46.No racehorse is capable of spinning as fast as the money that has been put on it.

Coluche

47.Why play so many notes when there are such beautiful ones?

Miles Davis

48.My theory is that the mature woman is physically polygamous but emotionally monogamous, i.e. the opposite of man.

Alan brien

49.Better to be devoured by remorse in the forest of Forbach than to be devoured by morbacs in the forest of Frankfurt.

Pierre Desproges

50.There are two ways to take a woman: by size and by feelings.

Henri Bataille

51.Women who love us for our money are very nice: at least we know what to do to keep them.

Francis Blanche

52.I have a tip for remembering your wife's birthday: you just have to forget it once !.

Michel galabru

53.A used car is a car where all the parts make noise except the horn.

Pierre Dac

54.It is good to treat friendship like wine and beware of mixtures.

Colette

55.From a man everything is possible; of a woman everything is probable.

Henri de Régnier

56.On his deathbed, man thinks rather of raising his soul than rabbits.

Louis Auguste Commerson

57.Mozart was so precocious that at 35 he was already dead.

Pierre Desproges

58.When it comes to physical love, textiles are more embarrassing than principles.

Philippe Bouvard

59.Road accidents are not caused by alcohol, but by the car. The proof: put an alcoholic in a wheelchair, he won't kill anyone.

Luis Rego

60.There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday and so little that we want to do today.

Cute mac laughlin

60.God does what he can with his hands, but the devil does much better with his tail.

Jacques Prévert

62.High heels were invented by a woman who always kissed on the forehead.

Marcel Achard

63.Laziness: habit taken to rest before fatigue.

Jules Renard

64.The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts the moment you get up and doesn't stop until you get to the office.

Robert frost

65.The best way to turn a woman's head is to tell her that she has a pretty profile.

Sacha Guitry

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

66.Discretion is my motto. I never say anything. Even on my business card, there is nothing written.

Marx Brothers

67.Watch out for overwork. And especially when you are not looking at anything, remember to remove your glasses!

Coluche

68.The woman who loves you talks to you about the future. The one who doesn't love you talks about gifts.

Maurice Dekobra

69.When in a meeting, a man does not say anything while everyone is talking, you can only hear him.

Raymond Devos

70.A forbidden meaning, in short, is only an authorized meaning, but taken backwards.

Pierre Dac

71.Experience: name with which men baptize their mistakes.

Oscar Wilde

78.As Jeanne D'arc said while climbing to the stake: The main thing is to be believed.

Frédéric dard

79.The bonds begin in champagne and end in chamomile.

Valery Larbaud

80.While sleeping with a 15-year-old girl is a misappropriation of a minor, sleeping with a woman over 70 is a violation of burial.

Jose artur

81.What if everything was just an illusion and nothing existed? In this case I really paid too much for this rug.

Woody allen

82.Common sense is what gets you listened to when you're not smart.

Frédéric dard

83.The bed is the most dangerous place in the world: 99% of people die there.

Mark Twain

84.Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Alphonse Allais

85.At the time, he was wiser than today; he often asked my opinion.

Winston Churchill

86.Sometimes I thought about ending my life. But I never knew where to start.

Jacques Prévert

87.For many men, speaking precedes thought. They only know what they are thinking after hearing what they are saying.

Gustave Le Bon

88.Real laziness is getting up at 6 a.m. so you can do nothing longer.

Tristan bernard

89.A good tip for looking ten years younger is to get ten years old when you say your age.

Jean Claude Van Damme

90.The real anarchist always walks between the nails because he hates arguing with the cops.

Georges brassens

91.Experience is that wonderful thing that lets you recognize a mistake when you do it again.

F.P Jones

92.What is the use of learning what is in the books, since it is there?

Sacha Guitry

93.To look natural, I need a really good makeup artist.

Donatella Versace

94.The first part of our life is wasted by our parents, and the second by our children.

Clarence darrow

95.Why do I play bitches so well? Because I am not. This is probably why Joan Crawford always plays respectable ladies.

Bette Davis

96.A friend is like a melon. You have to try several before finding a good one.

Alfred de Musset

97.In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed are frowned upon !.

Pierre Dac

98.Dreadful week: not a single opinion poll. Too bad, we will try to guess our own intentions on our own.

André Frossard

99.Don't take revenge on a woman, time will take care of it for you.

Paul Claudel

100.Monsieur Rocard reasons in billions of light years. In fact, it is more years old than it is light.

Valéry Giscard d'Estaing

101.It is not because man is thirsty for love that he should throw himself on the first gourd.

Pierre Desproges

102.A gentleman is a gentleman who, when he meets a middle-aged woman, opts for the least likely.

David Niven

103.Life is always too cruel. All we can do is try to pass the ball and let the sun shine. Hoping it shines for everyone.

Eric Cantona

104.Way too much for what I do, but not enough for what I piss off.

Daniel Pennac

105.Those who dream by day will always have an advantage over those who dream at night.

Edgar Allan Poe

106.Women live longer than men, especially when they are widowed.

Georges Clemenceau

107.Some women only become spiritual as they get older; it seems that then they are working to make themselves heard to prevent people from watching them.

Jacob

108.A successful man is a man who earns more money than his wife spends. And a successful woman is a woman who has found such a man.

Lana turner

109.Marriage is exchanging bad moods during the day and bad smells at night.

Montherlant

110.It is not I who speak, it is we who speak.

Jean Claude Van Damme

111.The pleasant prospect of widowhood sustains the courage of many wives.

John Gay

112.Refrain from telling your wife about the infamies you have done the previous ones. You don't have to give him ideas.

Sacha Guitry

113.The opposite of laughter is not seriousness, it is reality.

George Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

114.Good ill-gotten gains only benefit those who are smart enough not to get caught.

Pierre Dac

115.Autopsy: it allows others to discover what we have never been able to see in ourselves.

Maurice Ferrand

116.According to an American study, 20% of the inhabitants of our planet speak English. Yes, the remaining 80% did not understand the question.

Jean Yanne

117.I know that for a woman it's hard to make a man happy. But if this job seems too hard on your own, join forces.

Pierre Desproges

118.When God is silent, we can make him say what we want.

Jean paul Sartre

119.Going to salons taught me one thing: to stop shopping around street corners for what you can find for free from women around the world.

Michel Audiard

120.Administration is a place where people who arrive late meet on the stairs those who leave early.

Georges courteline

121.What do all the men I've loved have in common? Me !.

jeanne moreau

122.I only believe in statistics when I have falsified them myself.

Winston Churchill

123.La Meije has 3,998 meters. He lacks 2 meters to make the 4000. It's bad luck !.

Tristan bernard

124.It is not our pollution that attacks the environment. It is the impurities in our air and in our water that are responsible.

George W. Bush

125.I have often wondered what makes a good flu different from a bad one.

Pierre Dac

126.My wife is helpless: luckily for her, otherwise she would be mistaken for an elephant.

Pierre Doris

127.The beauty on all fours can be a stag; the beauty on two legs, a stork; beauty does not depend on the number of legs.

Chinese proverb

128.When they brought the ashes of Napoleon I to Les Invalides, We realized, it's too stupid, That there was no ashtray.

Tristan bernard

129.Nature is far-sighted: she grows apples in Normandy knowing that it is in this region that we drink the most cider.

Henri Monnier

 

130.You have to put money aside to have it in front of you.

Tristan bernard

131.Widowers mourn the pleasure they had in cheating on their wives.

Robert de Montesquiou-Fézensac

132.Truly, bizarre people can make tough decisions and have a phenomenal impact on history.

George W Bush

133.I would readily agree that women are superior to us if that would deter them from pretending to be our equals.

Sacha Guitry

134.It's not those who run the fastest who are in a hurry.

Coluche

135.Apart from monkeys, all animals refuse to make love face to face. They must sense that the bottom wrinkles less quickly than the face.

Sim

136.I am sometimes too enthusiastic. I start like a racehorse and arrive like a donkey.

Veronique jannot

137.You should never judge people by their dating. Here, Judas, for example, he had perfect friends.

Verlaine

138.It is when you are right that it is difficult to prove that you are not wrong.

Pierre Dac

139.It was not with his modem that he succeeded in reconnecting with the French.

Xavier Bertrand

140.It is better to be naked in a masterpiece than dressed in a turnip.

Victoria Abril

141.I'd give you a parachute if I was sure it wouldn't open.

Groucho Marx

142.It seems that the inventor of the cedilla is a certain Groçon.

Philippe Geluck

143.She floats, she hesitates, in a word, she is a woman.

Root

144.Fame has given me a big advantage: women who say no to me are more beautiful than they used to be.

Woody allen

145.A traitor is a politician who leaves his party to join another. On the other hand, a convert is a politician who leaves his party to join yours.

Clemenceau

146.Human beings are the only animals I'm really afraid of.

George Bernard Shaw

147.Why contradict a woman ? It is so much easier to wait for her to change her mind !.

Jean Anouilh

148.A woman who believes herself to be intelligent demands the same rights as a man. An intelligent woman gives it up.

Colette

149.When you gain confidence in confidence, you become confident.

Jean Claude Van Damme

150.Two things are endless: the universe and human stupidity. Regarding the universe, I have not acquired absolute certainty.

Einstein

151.If you want your wife to listen to what you are saying, tell another woman.

Guitry

152.80% of married men cheat on their wives in the United States. The rest are wrong in Europe.

Jackie mason

153.It's not enough to have luggage, you still have to know where to put it.

Coluche

154.If you want to earn a living, you just have to work. But if you want to get rich, you have to find something else.

Alphonse karr

155.The difficult thing is not to be with your friends when they are right, but when they are wrong.

André Malraux