It's a kind of funny story

  The Unfinished Symphony

A company president receives as a gift an entrance ticket for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony given as part of the music festival in the village where the group's main factory is located. Not having any desire to go to the provinces, and no member of the management wishing to go there, he remembers that the head of the organization department was carrying out a mission in the factory all that week. He asks her to represent him there. The following Monday, the president receives the following report:

Mister President,

I have carefully observed the work of the orchestra performing the unfinished symphony as you had invited me to. Here are the remarks I could give you.

For considerable intervals, the four oboe players stood idly by. One should reduce their number and distribute their work over the entire symphony, so as to eliminate peak periods.

The twelve violins were in unison, they all played the same notes at the same time. This duplication is expensive and completely unnecessary. It would be good to drastically reduce the size of this section of the orchestra. If volume is really necessary, it will be more economical to obtain it through an electronic amplifier, available today at very reasonable prices.

The coefficient of use of the triangle is extremely low. It is in the interest of using this instrument for a longer period of time, and even to provide for several, its purchase price being low, the investment would be very profitable.

The orchestra devotes a considerable effort to the production of half eighth notes. Isn't there a perfectionist refinement here? I recommend rounding all of these notes to the nearest eighth note. By proceeding in this way, it should be possible to use less qualified personnel, and therefore less expensive, or even trainees.

Certain musical passages give rise to abusive repetitions. Is it useful to have the horns repeat the passage already performed by the strings? If all such redundant passages were eliminated, I estimate that it would be possible to reduce the total duration of the concert from two hours to twenty minutes. Incidentally, it should be noted that this would make it possible to eliminate the intermission, which is costly given the lighting in the room and the foyer.

Note also that in many cases musicians use one hand only to hold their instrument. Could we not introduce an articulated mechanical fixing device to do this? This would free up the hands which could then be occupied with other things. Likewise, it seems abnormal to ask wind instruments to exert excessive force at times. Would it not be simpler to equip the orchestra with a compressor that would distribute the air, under adequate pressure, to the instruments concerned?

Last point, the obsolescence of the equipment deserves a close examination. The concert program stated that the first violin used an instrument that was centuries old. By applying reasonable amortization schedules, the value of this instrument should be near zero today. Shouldn't we invest in more modern and therefore more efficient equipment?

We can conclude, Mr. President, that if Schubert had paid attention to these remarks, he probably would have been able to complete his symphony.