Skip to main content

Jokes about lawyers

 Jokes about lawyers


Joke.1

What does a lawyer eat for breakfast?

 Avocado toast.


 

Joke.2

What does a lawyer use for contraception? 

Her personality.


Joke.3

  What's the one thing the lawyers haven't stolen?

 Their reputation.


Joke.4

Have you heard that they've just released a new doll called "Divorced Barbie"? 

Yes, it comes with half of Ken's belongings.


 Joke.5

 Where can you find a great advocate in winter?

 Haute-Savocatie


Joke.6

 Where can I find a GOOD lawyer? 

At the cemetery...


Joke.7

What do advocates and semen have in common?

 One in 50 million has a chance to become a human being!


Joke.8

Why don't sharks attack advocates? 

Professional courtesy


Joke.9

Why does Italy have the most lawyers in Europe and Russia has Chernobyl?

Russia got the first choice.


 

Joke.10

What do you throw at a drowning lawyer?

 His partners.


Joke.11

What do you call a person with poor intelligence? 

A lawyer.


Joke.12

 What do you call a person with a little more intelligence? 

A judge.


Joke.13

Job Application 

Three people apply for the same job. One is a mathematician, statistician and lawyer. The interview committee calls the mathematician first. They ask " what would be the total sum of 500+500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000". The committee thanks him and calls the statistician. When the statistic comes up, they ask the same question. The statistic reflects the question for a while and then answers "1000 ... I am 95% sure". He is also grateful for his time and sent on his way. When the lawyer enters the room, he is asked the same question: "What is 500 plus 500?" The lawyer replies: "What do you want?" They hire the lawyer.


Joke.14

Heaven 

 Both the priest and the lawyer went into the paradise.They were welcomed at the gate by Saint-Pierre, who told them that he would give them transportation to get around. He gave the lawyer a large white limousine. The priest received a bicycle. The priest said "Wait a minute" you gave the lawyer a limousine and a bicycle to me. Why is that? ”Saint Peter replied:“ We have many priests in heaven, but this is the first time that a lawyer has come to heaven.


Joke.15

Receptionist

 A man calls a law firm and says, "I want to talk to my lawyer." The receptionist replies: "I'm sorry, but he passed away last week". The next day the phone rings again and the same guy asks the same question. The receptionist replies: "It's like I told you, 'he passed away last week". Two days later the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. At this point the receptionist is bored and replied: "I keep telling you that your lawyer passed away last week. Why don't you stop calling" ... The guy answers: "Because it makes me happy to hear you say it."


Joke.16

1. What if the sponsor was a lawyer?

An incomprehensible offer to understand.


Joke.17

2. Why do we bury advocates deeper than others?

Because we know that deep down, they are good guys


Joke.18

3. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 60?

Mister the judge.


Joke.19

4. What is the difference between a tick and an advocate?

The tick leaves when you die


Joke.20

 How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One who climbs the ladder, one who shakes it and one who sues the maker.


Joke.21

7. What do you say when you see 25 lawyers embedded in cement up to their necks?

"Flute, cement is missing!" "


Joke.22

8. What is the difference between an honest lawyer and Santa Claus?

Santa Claus exists, my little one.


Joke.23

10. How do you know if a lawyer is lying?

Her lips move.


Joke.24

He is the son of a lawyer who asks his father:

"Father is it true that advocates always answer with a question?" "

" Who told you that? "


Joke.25

 What is the difference between a mathematician, a tax expert and a lawyer who is asked how much is 2 + 2?

The mathematician takes his calculator and after several calculations answers "4".

The tax specialist takes the Tax Law and after several complex deductions answers "4".

The lawyer closes the door, closes the windows, rolls down the blinds, sees if his phone is bugged and answers, "How much do you want that to be?" 


Joke.26

The lawyer is the poorest in the village when he is the only lawyer in town.

Add a second lawyer, and they become the two richest in the village!


Joke.27

A guy is on trial in correctional custody because he is accused of stealing a BMW. After the lawyer has pleaded, the judge decides to acquit the guy, and he leaves the court free. The next day, the same guy represents himself before the judge and tells him:

 Your honor, I would like to file a complaint against this rascal lawyer!

 Why, then? He got you an acquittal though ?! Why do you want him arrested?

 Is that, I did not have enough money to pay him ... so he left with the car that I had stolen.



Tags

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

10 little puzzles or riddles

                         The first puzzles known to mankind appeared in Babylon, and to this day they still represent a great opportunity to spend time with friends in order to test each other's skills and reasoning. Riddles are not only fun, but also useful for everyone, for example, they improve children's vocabulary and maintain the memory of the elderly in order to avoid dementia. Trendingfungala invites you to come together with all your family and friends to try to solve the puzzles that follow!                                                                 1. Which door is the safest? One fine morning, a little girl named Marie finds herself trapped in an old castle. She quickly finds herself in front of four doors, only one of which leads to freedom. As she opens each of the doors, she discovers what each one hides: The first leads to a ground of molten lava that would immediately melt anything. The second contains a killer clown who would beat to death anyone in front
1 comment
Read more

School Jokes

School Jokes 1. What is the difference between a teacher and a thermometer?  Any. We tremble when they mark "0"! 2. I decided not to go to school anymore, announces a little boy to his mother.  In what honor ?  On the news bulletin, they said that someone had been shot in Italy because he knew too much. 3 .Martin's teacher asks:  Martin, do you know the difference between the sun and your math homework?  No sir.  Well, the sun is a star ... and your duty is a disaster! 4 .At school, the teacher returns the copies and takes said to one of his students:  Come on, my little Antoine, admit that your father helped you do this homework!  Not at all, Messieurs, I swear it to you ... - It's true, are you sure?  Yes, I'm sure. He did it on his own. 5 .In class a student raises his finger, the teacher who thought he was going to give him an answer gives him the floor.  Sir, the fly of your pants is open! The very embarrassed teacher closes it and decides to call out to the
Post a Comment
Read more

It's a kind of funny story

  The Unfinished Symphony A company president receives as a gift an entrance ticket for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony given as part of the music festival in the village where the group's main factory is located. Not having any desire to go to the provinces, and no member of the management wishing to go there, he remembers that the head of the organization department was carrying out a mission in the factory all that week. He asks her to represent him there. The following Monday, the president receives the following report: Mister President, I have carefully observed the work of the orchestra performing the unfinished symphony as you had invited me to. Here are the remarks I could give you. For considerable intervals, the four oboe players stood idly by. One should reduce their number and distribute their work over the entire symphony, so as to eliminate peak periods. The twelve violins were in unison, they all played the same notes at the same time. This dupli
Post a Comment
Read more